It started out innocently enough. I experimented a bit with thinking as a kid. Laying in bed late at night I thought intensely till I couldn’t take it anymore. Later, I was seduced by the ideas of an older thinker who had much more experience with thinking and introduced me to many new ways to think. Things got out of hand a bit in college when I was encouraged to think all the time.
After settling down, getting a good job, and moving in with my college sweetheart, I began to get my life better under control. I knew I couldn’t stay up all night thinking as I had to get up early, and it was quite clear my bosses didn’t appreciate thinkers.
Still, the siren song of thinking called out to me. I began to think before social gatherings, now and then—you know, just to loosen up. I convinced myself that it was just to blow off steam from the ordeal of working a tedious, banal job.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. My addiction seized me again and I became concerned about America’s global wars and the broad ranging effects of inequality on our democracy. I would ask others about these problems, but no one wanted to talk about it. This caused me to think about it more…
Soon, I began to think alone, “just to relax,” I told myself this, but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home.
One evening, insisting that we turn off “The Masked Singer,” I asked my partner about the meaning of life. My partner looked up from the iPhone while typing a snarky comment about the show on social media and yelled at me for being confrontational. My partner spent that night at a friend’s house.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Karl Marx and Adam Smith in order to understand the origins of our capitalist system. I would return to the office asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here and how do we contribute to our community?” One day the boss called me in. He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.” This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
“Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”
“I know you’ve been thinking,” my partner said, “and I want a divorce!”
“But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”
“It is serious,” my partner said, lower lip quivering. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make serious money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”
“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently.
My partner exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
“I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.
I roared into the parking lot with Democracy Now playing and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn’t open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. We start off by telling each other everything is just fine and there is no need to question how our world is organized and run. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Luckily, my boss approved of my attempt at recovery, so I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed…easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
My partner is ecstatic about my recovery. It feels good to be certain that nothing is going wrong with our society and that our capable leaders in Washington and Silicon Valley have our best interests at heart. All one has to do is to consider all the shiny new technological devices we have in our lives to know the world is just fine. Always remember: be happy, no matter what, and the world will be a brighter place!
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