Back to school

By Jesse Cottle

“You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room”

—Dr. Seuss

Once upon a time, kids were kids.  Society didn’t start pushing the importance of success and education in elementary school.  The aspiration of being a contributing member of society was just as important as wanting to be a lawyer, a doctor or president.  Teachers could teach history, English and math, without also explaining how to properly answer multiple-choice questions on a test.  High school graduates could take up the family trade without being shunned as a failure for not attending college.  You could live life, and learn as you go.

Now, it is only possible learn in school, or so it would seem.  The best suggestion that has been made to me by a teacher, and the hardest to hear came in college.  I was creeping very close to my deadline on the extension I had talked him into for an essay.  I was working three jobs, supporting a two-year old by myself, and having trouble balancing my checkbook, much less my whole life.  He suggested that maybe this wasn’t the best time for me to be in school.  Maybe, just maybe I had a little too much on my plate.  I was dumbfounded by the suggestion.  I was so embarrassed to think that somebody could believe that I wasn’t capable to handling this on my own.  After all, college is what you do after high school, and I had already waited three years.  As I recall, I didn’t respond to the e-mail.  I didn’t finish the class or any other that I was registered for that semester.   I continued to work three jobs for a few more months until I got a call from a friend for a position as a legal secretary.  Defeated and ashamed, I took the job that required no college education, and seemingly no real talent.

As I worked as a secretary, and started taking pride in the job that I was doing well, I realized that I was in fact learning.  I didn’t just learn how to balance my own checkbook, I was learning how to balance finances for a small business.  I was learning how to be a better person, how to give unselfishly to somebody less fortunate.  I was most importantly learning that I was no less of a person for not finishing college.  I believe that there is a possibility of being happy, and a contributing member of society without becoming a doctor or a lawyer.  I started to express myself the way I wanted.  I took up hobbies just because they seemed interesting, and didn’t think twice about whether or not I wanted to do it for a living.  I was living.  I started to learn about possible careers regardless of whether or not it required a degree, had a high pay rate, or if I was afraid that people would not respect my choice.  I had finally realized that there was not limit to what I could do, no restrictions on these choices that I was making, and nowhere to go but up.

I gave up the job as a secretary to return to school.  Leaving that job was one of the biggest turning points of my life.  I had job security, regular hours and pay, and a boss that I adored.  There was a whole list of reasons to stay, none of which included my desire to stay.  I felt the same push to stay in this career that I had while in school before.  Stay because it is the right thing to do.  This is the best and most stable option for me, and my son, especially since I’ve ruined my chances at college.  I couldn’t however talk myself into staying this time.  I had learned too much about myself, and knew that the longer I stayed with something I wasn’t passionate about, the worse off I would be.  I quit the job, started serving at a restaurant again, and went back to school.

This is where I am now. In school for massage therapy, enjoying every minute of it, and so excited about my future I don’t know that I can express it fully.  I wasn’t pushed, I wasn’t told, I made the choice.  I appreciate that the college system was there for me to try, and I appreciate that I had the opportunities that I have been given.  I am young, and I have a whole life ahead of me to go back to school again and again, if I choose.  I don’t have to do it their way, and I don’t have to do it on their time.